WHAT MISS Marple KNOWS...in uncertain times keep a clear head

In "A Murder is Announced", Miss Marple wrestles with an improbable crime. The local paper in Chipping Cleghorn includes a notice that a murder will take place at a date and time specified in the home of Miss Letitia Blacklock. At the appointed time, a murder does indeed occur.  Miss Marple must reconstruct the tangled web which led the victim to the house and his demise.

The premise is challenging, the time and place of the murder is announced so why would anyone in their right mind go there? It is a situation which seems to have absolute certainty and yet the key fact, the intended victim is unknown. 

At the moment, we are all living with a level of uncertainty which extends to our health, our families and friends, and our finances. I referred a few weeks ago to the guidance provided by the AFCC for co-parenting during COVID-19. This is an attempt to give guidelines to parent at a time when nothing is certain. The basic facts of COVID-19 are becoming clear, but so much is unknown. If we had Miss Marple stationed in every home, it would be easier to navigate. In the absence of Miss Marple what can parents do? 

The AFCC recommends that co-parents be creative, understanding and generous. Without doubt, these guidelines are needed in the current situation when it is possible that parents will have different views on what is appropriate for children during these times.  In addition to the AFCC guidelines, I would also suggest:

• if you have an agreement about communication - dust it off.  Follow the protocols you have put in place.  
• Express yourself clearly and respectfully.  Use "I"statements to express concerns without blame.
• Remember to listen as well as to speak. If the other parent has a different view, listen.  You don't have to agree but you do need to understand. They may have thought of something you haven't, or you may be able to address their concerns about your ideas.
• Try to reconnect with your co-parent about the things you both agree on: love of your children, wanting to keep them safe and healthy. Try and find some common values and beliefs.  At least start the conversation on a positive note. 
• When you are communicating with your children, try to use 'we' statements. These are things like, "mum and I", "dad and I", etc.  In normal times they provide your children with a sense that their parents are working as a team.  In anxious times likes these that reassurance can be incredibly helpful for children. Children do not need to hear their parents arguing about how to keep them safe.

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