change your conflict
  • Home
  • About
  • HOW TO CHANGE
    • Separation and Divorce Mediation
    • Marriage Mediation
    • Business Mediation
    • Training
  • VOICES
  • Resources
  • Contact

conflict change
speaks

the dark side of hope?

20/8/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
Are hope and despair two sides of the same coin? Michael Schreiner commented that they are two sides of the expectations coin. Both hope and despair are focused on a set of future and unknown circumstances. Schreiner describes them as an educated guess about what will happen. He argues that hope is despair in disguise as if it is not supported by circumstances then the coin will flip and it will be replaced with despair.  
 
Hope can also be seen as delusional. It can be seen as a form of self-deception. Rather than facing up to the realities of a situation, hope may make someone ‘hope’ for the best.  This line of thought argues that hope may prolong suffering as rather than take responsibility for making changes, someone may hope for the solution to appear.  In addition, rather than accepting a negative reality they may deceive themselves.
 
Hope may be seen as preventing us from preparing for the worst. If we cling to hope rather than prepare and take action we may be overwhelmed when positive expectations are not met and negative realities occur.  This is a special type of magical thinking.  A belief that we do not need to anticipate or prepare for negative consequences as can just cling to hope that things will be better.
 
Hope can be seen as an abdication of our personal responsibility to solve problems for ourselves. If we hope that the ‘deus ex machina’ will arrive and save the day we may cease our own efforts.  if we maintain a false hope that a solution will come we may cease to work on our own solutions.
 
Whilst I acknowledge these challenges, I reject these characterisations. From my perspective, hope is an attempt to navigate an unknown future. I applaud the parties in mediation who have the courage to hope that they can make a better reality than the one they have inhabited.  Without doubt it takes courage to choose hope when bitterness and disillusionment beckon from the present and the past. As a problem solver I am interested in what works.  Does it help for parties to despair? Does it help for them to remain mired in blame? 
 
In mediation, I see people who have no reason to trust, deciding to make that leap so that they can motivate themselves to move forward.  Choosing hope is an acknowledgement that the alternative to hope is a never-ending battle. It is a defiant statement that empowers people to create structures and plans for tomorrow.

0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Archives

    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    May 2017
    November 2016

    Categories

    All
    Arbitration
    Business Mediation
    Conflict
    Events
    Family Mediation
    Flow
    Mediation
    Negotiation
    Psychology

    RSS Feed

Privacy Policy
The information contained in this website is for general information only and is provided without any representations or warranties. You should seek independent legal, financial, mental health or other advice in relation to your specific circumstances.

Hours

By appointment only

Email

sala@conflictchange.com

All rights reserved. 2020 Conflict Change Consulting Limited
  • Home
  • About
  • HOW TO CHANGE
    • Separation and Divorce Mediation
    • Marriage Mediation
    • Business Mediation
    • Training
  • VOICES
  • Resources
  • Contact