Forgiving for our own good: why?

Let me share a little good news.  Luskin in his book, Forgive for Good shared the results from several research studies he conducted on the impact of forgiveness. Here are the key benefits of forgiveness:

• People who are more forgiving report fewer health problems
• Forgiveness leads to less stress and less physical symptoms of stress
• Failure to forgive, may be more important than hostility as a risk factor for heart disease
• People who blame others for their feelings have a higher incidence of illness

 If we wanted to be selfish, we would forgive easily and often. We would choose our own health and well-being over remaining engaged in the painful events of our past. Luskin explains that forgiveness is a decision to claim our present and future. If we decide not to remain victims of the offender, then we can demonstrate strength. As Luskin puts it, no-one’s past needs to be a prison. This self-empowering principle is entirely consistent with mediation. 
 One of the foundational principles in mediation is party self-determination. This means that mediators believe that parties should find their own solutions.  For mediators this is based on the belief that solutions will be more meaningful and sustainable if the parties create them.  Finding and negotiating the answers requires parties to feel empowered to express their thoughts and concerns. 
 So, if we know that forgiveness, is:

• Good for our health and well-being
• Empowering
• Frees us from stress 

The real question is why do we not do it all the time? Why isn’t it easy for us? Next week if forgiveness is so great, why do we resist it?

​"Forgive for Good" Dr Fred Luskin

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