FORGIVING FOR OUR OWN GOOD: HOW (Part 2)

Last week, I shared Luskin's thoughts about grievances (the planes that will not land) and the preconditions to forgiveness. Now, the final reveal, how do we become forgiving?

CHANGE THE CHANNEL
​The first step is to change our mindset.  Luskin shares that most people are giving too much time to the grievances rather than focusing on gratitude and beauty. We need to change the channel from the negative things that have happened, to the beauty, nature, love and gratitude in our lives.  Luskin suggests that the more we focus on the gratitude channel the more the hurts will diminish. If we can tune in to the positive channels in life we can help ourselves. 

• gratitude channel: be thankful for the people in our lives / thankful for our health / for the small kindnesses of others (e.g. obeying the road traffic rules, holding a door) / thankful for our breath each morning
• beauty channel: the beauty of nature / if you cannot go to a favourite spot, remember what it is like to be there / watch animals and nature / appreciate music or art
• forgiveness channel: remember a time when you were forgiven or when you were forgiving / think of times you hurt others and needed forgiveness 
• love channel: feel the love from friends or family around you / remember times when you were loved or were loving / call up a friend and tell them you love them

As you experience these positive thoughts or experiences, Luskin suggests you practice holding them in your mind for 10-15 mins at least 3 times a week. Focus on your breathing and immerse yourself in this positive channel.

FORGIVENESS PRACTICE
When you are in the moment and feel the pain from the unresolved grievance, Luskin recommends using Positive Emotion Refocusing Technique (PERT). 

• ​Bring your attention to your stomach - draw in two deep breaths
• on the third breath - bring to mind an image of someone you love or a beautiful place
• continue breathing
• ask yourself as you relax what you can do to address the situation

Changing the Channel and using PERT, can help to calm our minds.  By changing from unenforceable rules to hopes / wishes, we can regain the ability to focus on what we wanted to achieve, rather than how we have been disappointed.

If you are reading this and thinking this sounds too hard, or not rigorous enough, I challenge you to read Luskin's Forgive for Good. I have used Luskin's techniques in my own life and can attest to their value. Am I always forgiving? absolutely not! However, when I have time and can focus, I know that I will feel better if I can use these techniques.  I would hope that everyone I work with in mediation could have access to these techniques.  If you are in mediation consider trying some of these ideas to find peace and to promote your own well-being.  We have power and we need to stop giving it to others. Reclaim your power!

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