difficult conversations: I CONTAIN MULTITUDES

In addition to the influence of our family of origin on our conflict communication, we also need to look at other factors including:​

• ​​professional training: for example, I trained as a solicitor and then worked initially as a criminal litigator. Without a doubt, the professional training I had and my work experience coloured by communication in difficult conversations.  Unsurprisingly, I think that I was adversarial and challenging. At the time, I was in a professional bubble and was unaware of alternative views.
• cultural / societal / organisational norms: our cultural heritage and societal norms also determine how we will view conflict and what communication behaviours we feel are appropriate. As we are immersed in it, much like the frog in boiling water, we often do not consider that there are always alternative ways.  In particular, as part of a large organisation we adapt to the prevailing communication culture.
• religious beliefs / values: these are strongly held beliefs about what life should look like and what is appropriate. we may examine our beliefs in general, but we are unlikely to have considered these beliefs / values through the lens of communication in conflict
• Psychological processes: more on this in a later post, but there are cognitive biases / emotional needs / etc, which will drive our communication in conflict.

Often these influences impact behaviour below our level of consciousness.  We do not question whether this is the most helpful way to behave, we fall back on to the rightness of our behaviour. Just as with the impact of our family of origin, it is worth reflecting on your beliefs about communication in conflict and where they may need to be adapted.

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