Eye of the Beholder

In life we can be faced with what seems like an impossible task, however, our brains reveal that we do such impossible things as a matter of course. When in conflict, people can feel that working with “the other side” in future is an impossibility. “How can I forget ‘X’?” However, we have evolved to hold two contradictory ideas in our head at the same time. 
 
When we see an optical illusion our visual processing behaves as it is designed to and believes the trick (the Müller-Lyer Illusion). Our eyes tell us that the parallel lines are of different lengths. 

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​When the basis of the illusion is explained to us, our conscious, rational mind can comprehend the underlying reason for our eyes being deceived. We interpret the visual information on the basis of our previous experience. With the rational understanding that the lines are of equal length we can look again at the illusion.

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​However, when we return to the illusion, we experience the dissonance of experiencing the illusion again and at the same time we know that we are being tricked. We are able to hold the contradiction between the illusion and the reality in our mind simultaneously.
 
In the same way, parties locked in a dispute may struggle with their ability to:

• Defend their perspective and their ‘truth’ about the other side; the wrongs inflicted, etc. 

and at the same time

• Continue to work in a good faith relationship e.g. co-parenting; employee and employer; business partners, etc.

 
The truth is our brains are equipped to hold such contradictory ideas in place at the same time. Doing so enables us to move forward with people even when we feel this should be impossible. Whether this requires us to try and co-parent or run a business together, the challenge is real, however, the feeling of impossibility is an illusion.

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