C.J. Frick

​There is no better advice. I hope you have enjoyed seeing the world a little from the perspective of our canine friends. My thanks to my models in the photos, Fred and Ginger. 

As humans we susceptible to feeling judged all the time.  In conflict, parties can feel judged by the other side, by their lawyers, the mediator and even, themselves. Dogs know that judging others is a losing proposition.

Dogs do not judge us. For many humans this is one of their best qualities, their non-judgmental gaze.  Dogs are not thinking that you could have handled that situation better or been more diplomatic in your response.  Dogs are not considering that they would have managed things better if given the chance. 

As we work with people in conflict, we need to remember as participants, mediators and lawyers that judgment may feel satisfying but achieves nothing. People who feel judged are not more likely to be negotiable, or reasonable.  We are apt to feel more defensive and less conciliatory if we feel that we are being judged. 

Dogs know this. 

Eckhart Tolle

• Dogs know a surprising amount about conflict resolution.  One of my dogs is a zen master at conflict resolution.  He has no attachment to past and blame.  He approaches everyone - canine and human with an open heart and mind.


• My other dog is good at conflict resolution most of the time, but she does hold on to one or two seemingly never-ending, epic feuds. The sight of the arch-nemesis is enough for the red mist to descend.  After a good trash barking, she quite happily moves on wagging her tail, vindicated in her belief that the other dog is 'no good'. 

Together both dogs have valuable lessons for humans in conflict: 

• Focus on the here and now: yesterday may have been a disappointment.  Perhaps in the past there were mistakes made by other people, and there is hurt and blame. Dogs know that if you want to move forward you need to focus on the present.  By focusing on the past and blame, you will stay there and not be able to move on. Dogs are expert at letting things go and moving to a new and possible future.  Yes terrible things may have happened in the past, if you remain in the past there is no hope of changing the future. Creating structures to move ahead is a difficult choice, but the alternative is to remain in the past.
• Never-ending battles take their toll on you: we may comfort ourselves if we continue to fight that we are 'right' and that we are defending a 'principle'.  However, as my dog has found out, she is always on leash downstairs because I need to know that if the arch nemesis appears my dog will be under control. By contrast her brother, who was bitten by the arch nemesis has moved on and is free to amble as we walk and greet the neighbours. Sometimes, as humans we feel that it is 'right' to keep fighting, we need to understand that continuing a battle comes at a price.  We may pay in our emotional well-being, psychological well-being, legal costs, and opportunity costs. There may be others who suffer as collateral damage from our campaign. 
• Forgiveness is a gift, we give ourselves: a long time ago, one of my dogs bit the other by accident. Whilst the blood was gushing from his ear, his sister demonstrated instant remorse. He forgave her immediately.  As humans we mistakenly believe that forgiveness is a gift we give other people. In fact, there is significant research to show that forgiveness has health benefits for the person giving it.  Dr Fred Luskin from the Stanford Forgiveness Project encourages people to forgive those who wrong them.  This is not because the person being forgiven deserves forgiveness, they may never know they have been forgiven. Forgiveness frees us from the hurt and allows us to move on and heal. We stop trying to enforce the unenforceable rule and allow ourselves to focus on our own healing.

This month my article on the Singapore Convention on Mediation is published in the Australian Dispute Resolution Journal. The article is based on my conference paper from NMC2019.  Does the Singapore Convention provide mediators with an opportunity to reclaim international commercial disputes? If so what do mediators need to do to challenge the hegemony of arbitration?  I argue we need to pay attention to the challenges and difficulties of arbitration and consider how mediation can respond to these?  Importantly we need to ensure that we hold fast to the values and philosophical underpinnings of mediation which make it a totally different process to arbitration.  In chasing new markets and customers, we need to ensure our ethics remain strong.

What do dogs know about negotiation? I would argue that dogs understand a lot about negotiation.  On a daily basis, I enjoy watching my dogs negotiate with me to achieve their goals. They are stealth negotiators, clothed in fur.  On an instinctual basis, dogs can teach humans some great lessons about negotiation. 

The question is - are we clever enough to learn from them?

• ​Focus on your priorities: understand what your goal is in the negotiation?  you may have many needs / wants e.g. cheesy biscuit / salmon chew / squeaky toy.  Identify the priority, reflect on what it is you really need to achieve and what would be nice to have. Once you have done this - remember it.
• Focus on the wins. As humans we are wired to respond to perceived losses more than to focus on wins. In the midst of a mediation, when someone has been able to achieve their priority goals, I often hear, "but what about ....?".  My role requires me to remind parties that in negotiation, there will be wins and losses. Dogs know this instinctively.  If a dogs "wins' the salmon chew, they will not be complaining about the loss of the cheesy biscuit.  A dog will devote their attention and focus to the win.  As humans, we could learn this lesson about how to focus on the wins and accept that the losses were part of the compromise to achieve resolution.
• Focus on giving what you can to get what you need: dogs know that in order to get what they want they will need to give something. This may be a paw, or a sit or an adorable head tilt. As humans in negotiation, we sometimes forget this easy lesson.  We repeat out demand, perhaps louder and more insistently.  We are disappointed when the other person does not give us what we want.  Dogs understand the basic negotiation principle of "you need to give, to get".  The key in negotiation is understanding what is easy for you to give and valuable for the other party to receive.

Next week, what do dogs know about conflict?

Last week I shared with you an article written about canine assisted mediation written by David Paul.  Today, I am sharing a link to a news article where his theory has become his reality. 

​David Paul and his dog, Charlie Paul have started working as a canine and human mediation team for family mediations.  David and Charlie are pioneers. 

In the last few years I have seen the expression of pain experienced by parties in family mediation increase.  I have also seen some parties struggle with their ability to self-regulate during the mediation process.  Sadly, I have seen parties derail the negotiation due to their inability to manage their pain. The negotiation may go away but the reality of separation does not. The derailment leads to a more protracted and even more difficult path.

I am excited to see what David and Charlie discover as they start this important work.  I would love to have my dogs with me in the room providing some furry balance to everyone. As David notes, this needs to be done cautiously and professionally.  Dogs need to be trained and mediators need to be trained. Hopefully in future, I will be able to experience co-mediation with a dog as my co-mediator.