Lessons from adversity: hopes not hurts

I have been reading and enjoying “Healing from Infidelity” by Michele Weiner-Davis. Whilst not everyone will experience infidelity in their marriage, Weiner Davis provides valuable tools which anyone can use to address adversity. Over the next few weeks, I will reflect on some of the lessons anyone facing difficulties can use to improve their situation.

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Let your hopes, not your hurts shape your future

This quote is from Robert Schuller. When disappointment, loss or betrayal occur, we can focus on what has happened. Excessive rumination on negative emotions associated with the event can prevent healing and responsibility. Instead, we replay the hurts and blame. Whilst it is necessary to process negative events; it is also necessary to move on from them. As Schuller suggests we should not define ourselves by the wrongs we have suffered, instead we should allow our dreams to define our lives. How can this be done practically? Weiner-Davis suggests we can help ourselves by being specific.  How does this work?

Option 1
I will try to feel better.

Option 2
What steps / actions will I take to experience an improvement?

​Moving from the vague to the specific helps to chart a course.  Making positive statements to feel better is helpful as a general direction, and this needs to be supported with specific actions that we design and take responsibility for to create improvements.